The Birth of a NEW ME
10/20/2010
Today I feel like I’m being re-born. Thirty years ago today I was brought into this world. I was the unexpected gift to a young, nervous, teenage mother. She struggled and sacrificed so much of her own life just to give me a chance at my own. I cry tears of joy and gratitude for her now, as I realize just how much she traded her life for mine. As a young child, I remember being fascinated with the world. Even at a young age, I wanted to know answers to universal questions… how did we all get here? Why? What was the meaning to life? People said I was an old soul, and somehow, I felt it was true.
My childhood was filled with many trials and tribulations. I witnessed a lot of anger, abuse, addiction, lack, negativity, and a general sense of struggle about life. I carried these beliefs with me through my teenage years. At that point, I was so frustrated that the world dealt me a shitty hand that I wasted many years in anger. I still to this day battle this negative emotion in my life, but have managed to decrease its power over me. In my 20’s, I was just like most young adults… trying to make my way in the world on my own. I was immature and thought I knew everything when really I knew nothing. I had my days of partying and just trying to enjoy the pleasures in life with no real purpose or meaning.
In my early 20’s I had somewhat of an awakening. I didn’t change overnight, but the pathway to greater understanding was opened. I realized I did not have to live in anger, poverty, hardship… and that I could actually LEARN to be HAPPY. I realized my thoughts had power, and I tried to switch to a more positive attitude. Over many years of practice, this attitude did start to bring more positive experiences into my life. I traveled the country. I am blessed to have family (and the most amazing best friend EVER) in California. I took many trips there. I drove across the country a few times. I saw things, places and people. I lived in Kansas City for 7 years. It was an amazing and eye-opening experience for me. I met some of the greatest, kind-hearted, laid back people I’ve ever met in my life, and still cherish them dearly.
Then last year, fate brought me back home. I came back to my roots. I had unfinished business. Things I had left behind. Issues I had run from, that I now had to face. For the first time in my life, I was challenged in relationships, and forced to make positive changes. I went to counseling. I forgave my father for abandoning me, and tried to reconnect with him. I released anger, and learned more effective ways to cope (as life taught me that punching people wasn’t exactly an acceptable approach!). The past year of my life has been one of the most challenging for me, as far as personal growth. I have always been on my own, and independent since I was a young teenager. When I came home, I stayed with family, and it was quite trying at times. I didn’t really have a direction or know quite what moves I wanted to make, and I sometimes felt stuck. But I managed to get through it. I went back to school. I made progress… but it was slow going.
Eventually life kicked me into high gear and made me realize a few things. I couldn’t sit around anymore waiting for life to happen. I was about to be 30, and really wanted a plan for my life’s direction. I feel I am meant to write, to uplift and inspire others to live their dreams. I feel I am meant to teach about the power of our thoughts and how we can (and do even unconsciously) create our own reality the way we wish to see it. I finally took action.
This is where things started happening really fast. I decided I wanted to live on the beach. I started to write affirmations… I am going to live on the beach. A friend reminded me that to manifest, we must write our intentions in the PRESENT TENSE as if they are already true. That week I wrote a list a bunch of times… “I HAVE A HOUSE ON THE BEACH”. By that weekend I was looking at the house, and the following weekend I moved in. It’s really amazing how powerful the universe is at delivering what you want, once you are clear and focused and AFFIRM IT IN THE PRESENT.
Now I sit here in such gratitude in my beautiful new house on the beach. I am not saying this to brag, because we all have the power to create whatever we choose. The problem is that we give our power away, we wait for others, we think limiting thoughts, and we don’t take action. I got out of my own way and took action, and that is the only difference. Also, GRATITUDE plays a huge role in this manifesting process because the whole time I was waiting, I was THANKFUL for the house even though it wasn’t even mine yet. If you are grateful for what you already have, the universe (call it whatever you want, higher power, God, Tao, Allah, etc) will give you even MORE to be grateful for.
So now here I am… 30. I never thought I would be here at this point in life. Not that I’m so accomplished or have a bunch of material things… but that I am in this state of mind, in this awareness, and enjoying PEACE in my soul. I have learned through all my trials in life, and am putting the lessons to work. I will be graduating college in about 2 months and I truly feel that life’s opportunities are endless for me (and all of us). Once I finish, I will be focusing on writing a book I’ve started working on, and generally spreading my message and communicating in any medium possible. I am interested in doing online radio, maybe podcasts, videos, etc. Who knows!? The point is… I am DREAMING. And I finally know that I have the POWER to CREATE THOSE DREAMS, because I just manifested something faster than the speed of light simply by believing in it. I don’t have great credit, or a lot of income, etc… but none of those things blocked me because I never WAVERED in my FAITH that it was MINE.
I am so blessed and grateful to share this journey with so many wonderful people. I have been supported through this process by the universe, and by amazing family and friends who have helped me in tremendous ways… THANK YOU! Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to wish me a happy birthday today… it means more than you know. As soon as I cracked my eyes open I was welcomed to many blessings and wishes It feels good to receive love, and know that I love you all right back! I have so much love that I want to share and I know the future is bright for us all if we will just stay focused on the positive things we wish to create. Thirty is the start of a new life for me. I am finally focused and FREE. Here’s to the best decade yet! Thank you all for reading and sharing. I love you! Much blessings and gratitude… and may JOY fill all of your lives!!
PEACE!!!
Tanya
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Tune IN!
I’ve often heard that writers say, “It’s not the WRITING that’s particularly hard… but the SITTING DOWN to write”. Isn’t that always the case? It’s the DOING that sometimes gets us stuck. We can have grand ideas and a multitude of talents, but when it comes to putting them into ACTION to CREATE something valuable; this is where I have trouble. I find myself getting in my own way. Why? I think I get distracted by life too easily. I am often focusing on the wrong things. I’m not living in the moment. I’ve heard that depression comes from repeatedly reliving something painful from the past, and that anxiety comes from worrying about the future. I know I’ve done both. The key is always remaining in the present moment, and being grateful for the breaths you’re taking and what you have NOW. The power of NOW is not something to be taken lightly. This is always where our POWER LIES. It is truly the only thing we have. We need to cherish it, notice it, breathe it, and LIVE it.
Something else I’ve noticed about myself is that I tend to get fat and happy and lazy when I’m in a relationship. It’s like all of a sudden my meaning and my source of love has come from another human being. Yet many times I’ve learned the lesson that we first have to love ourselves, and that our true power comes from connecting with our source. So why do I always forget? Why is it so hard to implement? Is it because when we feel love from another person it is tangible? We can certainly hug them, hold them, and FEEL the love surround us. Yet, it’s transient. None of these things last forever. When we put all of our hopes into another person we most certainly lose our own power.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that I only seem to get motivated and inspired when I’m facing turmoil and pain in my life. I have been lied to, betrayed, and had my heart shattered and trampled on. But I have to ask myself, can I really place all the blame on the other person? Or how much of this have I ALLOWED to take place? Did I miss signs? Did I lie to myself about who this person was that betrayed me or what they were capable of? At the end of the day, it’s only me… looking in the mirror and trying to figure out what kind of life I want to create for myself. I can’t blame anyone else for that. I think women often fall in love with the fantasy of what someone’s “potential” COULD be instead of the REALITY of what someone really IS. And that’s my fault.
But even though my heart is reeling and I feel the pain of loss and betrayal… it is in these moments of dark despair that I find my light. It’s as if I am receiving a message, building my spiritual strength in order to handle all of life’s challenges that lay before me. And every time I get stronger, and I am more confident in my own ability to create something amazing. No matter how hard I get knocked down I will ALWAYS GET BACK UP. I am breathing, I am ALIVE, I am HERE and I have love and light to offer the world. I know we all face dark times; we all face pain, heartache, and loss. But I’m here to tell you that we CAN pick up the pieces. We CAN grow into beautiful human beings and find our passions. We can follow our heart and remember that there is JOY and PEACE out there if we can only change our perspectives.
Every situation is always only as good or bad as we PERCEIVE it to be. When life hands you lemons… well you know what to do! Don’t just sit there, squeeze the hell out of them and make something of it! We are only here on this planet for the blink of an eye, and then it’s gone. We have to CHOOSE to be HAPPY and find PEACE in every moment, no matter how bad our current circumstances may seem. They are only our CURRENT circumstances and the only constant in life is that THINGS WILL CHANGE.
You know it’s crazy because I’ve had a heartbreaking couple of days. I’ve had personal loss on many levels, and as many of you know, when it rains, it pours. Sometimes life happens and it’s just HARD. But I went to be lifted again tonight by the medium Reverend Tom at my local non denominational spiritual center… and he always sends me amazing messages. He reminded me that whenever we are in pain, it is only because we are disconnected from our source. IT IS ONLY BECAUSE WE ARE DISCONNECTED FROM OUR SOURCE! I know this to be true, because whenever I am in darkness, that’s when I finally seek the light! And as you seek, so you shall find.
When I get busy with life and distracted with day to day to do lists and drama, I forget to take time to meditate and pray. I forget to practice yoga or do things that make me happy, I just don’t make time for it. But when I stay in this zone, (of meditating and taking ACTIONS that make me HAPPY), I FEEL the connection to source stronger than anything material in this world. I feel love and warmth surround me with such force it feels like I could grab onto it. It’s honestly sometimes a little scary and freaky, yet amazing all at once. And sometimes it’s so moving I cry tears of joy. Tears of JOY stream down my face because I feel the love that surrounds me… that surrounds all of us at all times! We need to just take the time to feel it. If we can just SIT quietly in a room, without distractions, without mindless addictions, without noise… and just allow the energy to flow… we can feel it! Tap into it!! TUNE IN! Go on, give it a try... it may be a little hard at first but with practice, I promise you... it will be AMAZING.
Something else I’ve noticed about myself is that I tend to get fat and happy and lazy when I’m in a relationship. It’s like all of a sudden my meaning and my source of love has come from another human being. Yet many times I’ve learned the lesson that we first have to love ourselves, and that our true power comes from connecting with our source. So why do I always forget? Why is it so hard to implement? Is it because when we feel love from another person it is tangible? We can certainly hug them, hold them, and FEEL the love surround us. Yet, it’s transient. None of these things last forever. When we put all of our hopes into another person we most certainly lose our own power.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that I only seem to get motivated and inspired when I’m facing turmoil and pain in my life. I have been lied to, betrayed, and had my heart shattered and trampled on. But I have to ask myself, can I really place all the blame on the other person? Or how much of this have I ALLOWED to take place? Did I miss signs? Did I lie to myself about who this person was that betrayed me or what they were capable of? At the end of the day, it’s only me… looking in the mirror and trying to figure out what kind of life I want to create for myself. I can’t blame anyone else for that. I think women often fall in love with the fantasy of what someone’s “potential” COULD be instead of the REALITY of what someone really IS. And that’s my fault.
But even though my heart is reeling and I feel the pain of loss and betrayal… it is in these moments of dark despair that I find my light. It’s as if I am receiving a message, building my spiritual strength in order to handle all of life’s challenges that lay before me. And every time I get stronger, and I am more confident in my own ability to create something amazing. No matter how hard I get knocked down I will ALWAYS GET BACK UP. I am breathing, I am ALIVE, I am HERE and I have love and light to offer the world. I know we all face dark times; we all face pain, heartache, and loss. But I’m here to tell you that we CAN pick up the pieces. We CAN grow into beautiful human beings and find our passions. We can follow our heart and remember that there is JOY and PEACE out there if we can only change our perspectives.
Every situation is always only as good or bad as we PERCEIVE it to be. When life hands you lemons… well you know what to do! Don’t just sit there, squeeze the hell out of them and make something of it! We are only here on this planet for the blink of an eye, and then it’s gone. We have to CHOOSE to be HAPPY and find PEACE in every moment, no matter how bad our current circumstances may seem. They are only our CURRENT circumstances and the only constant in life is that THINGS WILL CHANGE.
You know it’s crazy because I’ve had a heartbreaking couple of days. I’ve had personal loss on many levels, and as many of you know, when it rains, it pours. Sometimes life happens and it’s just HARD. But I went to be lifted again tonight by the medium Reverend Tom at my local non denominational spiritual center… and he always sends me amazing messages. He reminded me that whenever we are in pain, it is only because we are disconnected from our source. IT IS ONLY BECAUSE WE ARE DISCONNECTED FROM OUR SOURCE! I know this to be true, because whenever I am in darkness, that’s when I finally seek the light! And as you seek, so you shall find.
When I get busy with life and distracted with day to day to do lists and drama, I forget to take time to meditate and pray. I forget to practice yoga or do things that make me happy, I just don’t make time for it. But when I stay in this zone, (of meditating and taking ACTIONS that make me HAPPY), I FEEL the connection to source stronger than anything material in this world. I feel love and warmth surround me with such force it feels like I could grab onto it. It’s honestly sometimes a little scary and freaky, yet amazing all at once. And sometimes it’s so moving I cry tears of joy. Tears of JOY stream down my face because I feel the love that surrounds me… that surrounds all of us at all times! We need to just take the time to feel it. If we can just SIT quietly in a room, without distractions, without mindless addictions, without noise… and just allow the energy to flow… we can feel it! Tap into it!! TUNE IN! Go on, give it a try... it may be a little hard at first but with practice, I promise you... it will be AMAZING.
Monday, May 31, 2010
PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH
PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH (an excerpt from my Book :)
Remember when you were a kid and everyone was always telling you, "Do as I say, not as I do"? Of course if our parents told us not to smoke, and not to drink, as they were sitting there getting loaded and smoking cigarettes, chances are, we're probably not going to take them very seriously! I guess we can't really blame them. They may have developed certain negative patterns but that doesn't mean they want their children to follow in their footsteps. The only problem with that is that we learn how to Be Human (yes, we are HUMAN BEINGS), by mimicking the behavior of those around us. So it doesn't really matter what they say... the old adage is true, "Actions DO speak louder than words."
It's no different here. You can't teach somebody anything about life by preaching something you don't follow yourself. I’ve learned this in my own way, although I don't have any children. I find myself offering advice to my girlfriends about how to handle a conflict, knowing damn well that it's extremely easy for me to tell them what to do, but if I were in the same shoes, would I follow my own advice? Or how many times have I told a friend not to call that particular guy because it wasn’t the right guy for them. It’s very easy on the outside to see how two people are not compatible or right for each other. Meanwhile, I’ve held on to my share of relationships LONG after I knew in my heart that this probably wasn’t the right person for me. Why did I hold on? What was I so afraid of? Being alone? Fear of not finding the “right” one? It’s because it is always easier to give advice from a detached position. It’s totally different to be emotionally involved in the situation.
This is where we are given a chance to challenge ourselves to follow our own advice. Ask yourself this question, if my friend came to me with the exact same situation that I’m facing, what would I tell them to do? Be honest. And then listen to yourself. You already have all of the answers inside of you. It’s just that we don’t bother to listen to our own intuitive guidance. We tell that little voice, oh shut up, it’s not that bad, or don’t worry, this person will change, or whatever. Someday I’ll quit smoking, or drinking, or get healthy or whatever it is that we’re complaining about. YOU ALREADY HAVE ALL OF THE ANSWERS INSIDE. Stop telling your inner voice to shut up, and listen to yourself already.
Remember when you were a kid and everyone was always telling you, "Do as I say, not as I do"? Of course if our parents told us not to smoke, and not to drink, as they were sitting there getting loaded and smoking cigarettes, chances are, we're probably not going to take them very seriously! I guess we can't really blame them. They may have developed certain negative patterns but that doesn't mean they want their children to follow in their footsteps. The only problem with that is that we learn how to Be Human (yes, we are HUMAN BEINGS), by mimicking the behavior of those around us. So it doesn't really matter what they say... the old adage is true, "Actions DO speak louder than words."
It's no different here. You can't teach somebody anything about life by preaching something you don't follow yourself. I’ve learned this in my own way, although I don't have any children. I find myself offering advice to my girlfriends about how to handle a conflict, knowing damn well that it's extremely easy for me to tell them what to do, but if I were in the same shoes, would I follow my own advice? Or how many times have I told a friend not to call that particular guy because it wasn’t the right guy for them. It’s very easy on the outside to see how two people are not compatible or right for each other. Meanwhile, I’ve held on to my share of relationships LONG after I knew in my heart that this probably wasn’t the right person for me. Why did I hold on? What was I so afraid of? Being alone? Fear of not finding the “right” one? It’s because it is always easier to give advice from a detached position. It’s totally different to be emotionally involved in the situation.
This is where we are given a chance to challenge ourselves to follow our own advice. Ask yourself this question, if my friend came to me with the exact same situation that I’m facing, what would I tell them to do? Be honest. And then listen to yourself. You already have all of the answers inside of you. It’s just that we don’t bother to listen to our own intuitive guidance. We tell that little voice, oh shut up, it’s not that bad, or don’t worry, this person will change, or whatever. Someday I’ll quit smoking, or drinking, or get healthy or whatever it is that we’re complaining about. YOU ALREADY HAVE ALL OF THE ANSWERS INSIDE. Stop telling your inner voice to shut up, and listen to yourself already.
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