The Birth of a NEW ME

The Birth of a NEW ME

10/20/2010
Today I feel like I’m being re-born. Thirty years ago today I was brought into this world. I was the unexpected gift to a young, nervous, teenage mother. She struggled and sacrificed so much of her own life just to give me a chance at my own. I cry tears of joy and gratitude for her now, as I realize just how much she traded her life for mine. As a young child, I remember being fascinated with the world. Even at a young age, I wanted to know answers to universal questions… how did we all get here? Why? What was the meaning to life? People said I was an old soul, and somehow, I felt it was true.


My childhood was filled with many trials and tribulations. I witnessed a lot of anger, abuse, addiction, lack, negativity, and a general sense of struggle about life. I carried these beliefs with me through my teenage years. At that point, I was so frustrated that the world dealt me a shitty hand that I wasted many years in anger. I still to this day battle this negative emotion in my life, but have managed to decrease its power over me. In my 20’s, I was just like most young adults… trying to make my way in the world on my own. I was immature and thought I knew everything when really I knew nothing. I had my days of partying and just trying to enjoy the pleasures in life with no real purpose or meaning.


In my early 20’s I had somewhat of an awakening. I didn’t change overnight, but the pathway to greater understanding was opened. I realized I did not have to live in anger, poverty, hardship… and that I could actually LEARN to be HAPPY. I realized my thoughts had power, and I tried to switch to a more positive attitude. Over many years of practice, this attitude did start to bring more positive experiences into my life. I traveled the country. I am blessed to have family (and the most amazing best friend EVER) in California. I took many trips there. I drove across the country a few times. I saw things, places and people. I lived in Kansas City for 7 years. It was an amazing and eye-opening experience for me. I met some of the greatest, kind-hearted, laid back people I’ve ever met in my life, and still cherish them dearly.


Then last year, fate brought me back home. I came back to my roots. I had unfinished business. Things I had left behind. Issues I had run from, that I now had to face. For the first time in my life, I was challenged in relationships, and forced to make positive changes. I went to counseling. I forgave my father for abandoning me, and tried to reconnect with him. I released anger, and learned more effective ways to cope (as life taught me that punching people wasn’t exactly an acceptable approach!). The past year of my life has been one of the most challenging for me, as far as personal growth. I have always been on my own, and independent since I was a young teenager. When I came home, I stayed with family, and it was quite trying at times. I didn’t really have a direction or know quite what moves I wanted to make, and I sometimes felt stuck. But I managed to get through it. I went back to school. I made progress… but it was slow going.


Eventually life kicked me into high gear and made me realize a few things. I couldn’t sit around anymore waiting for life to happen. I was about to be 30, and really wanted a plan for my life’s direction. I feel I am meant to write, to uplift and inspire others to live their dreams. I feel I am meant to teach about the power of our thoughts and how we can (and do even unconsciously) create our own reality the way we wish to see it. I finally took action.

This is where things started happening really fast. I decided I wanted to live on the beach. I started to write affirmations… I am going to live on the beach. A friend reminded me that to manifest, we must write our intentions in the PRESENT TENSE as if they are already true. That week I wrote a list a bunch of times… “I HAVE A HOUSE ON THE BEACH”. By that weekend I was looking at the house, and the following weekend I moved in. It’s really amazing how powerful the universe is at delivering what you want, once you are clear and focused and AFFIRM IT IN THE PRESENT.

Now I sit here in such gratitude in my beautiful new house on the beach. I am not saying this to brag, because we all have the power to create whatever we choose. The problem is that we give our power away, we wait for others, we think limiting thoughts, and we don’t take action. I got out of my own way and took action, and that is the only difference. Also, GRATITUDE plays a huge role in this manifesting process because the whole time I was waiting, I was THANKFUL for the house even though it wasn’t even mine yet. If you are grateful for what you already have, the universe (call it whatever you want, higher power, God, Tao, Allah, etc) will give you even MORE to be grateful for.

So now here I am… 30. I never thought I would be here at this point in life. Not that I’m so accomplished or have a bunch of material things… but that I am in this state of mind, in this awareness, and enjoying PEACE in my soul. I have learned through all my trials in life, and am putting the lessons to work. I will be graduating college in about 2 months and I truly feel that life’s opportunities are endless for me (and all of us). Once I finish, I will be focusing on writing a book I’ve started working on, and generally spreading my message and communicating in any medium possible. I am interested in doing online radio, maybe podcasts, videos, etc. Who knows!? The point is… I am DREAMING. And I finally know that I have the POWER to CREATE THOSE DREAMS, because I just manifested something faster than the speed of light simply by believing in it. I don’t have great credit, or a lot of income, etc… but none of those things blocked me because I never WAVERED in my FAITH that it was MINE.

I am so blessed and grateful to share this journey with so many wonderful people. I have been supported through this process by the universe, and by amazing family and friends who have helped me in tremendous ways… THANK YOU! Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to wish me a happy birthday today… it means more than you know. As soon as I cracked my eyes open I was welcomed to many blessings and wishes  It feels good to receive love, and know that I love you all right back! I have so much love that I want to share and I know the future is bright for us all if we will just stay focused on the positive things we wish to create. Thirty is the start of a new life for me. I am finally focused and FREE. Here’s to the best decade yet! Thank you all for reading and sharing. I love you! Much blessings and gratitude… and may JOY fill all of your lives!!

PEACE!!!

Tanya